so, things have been slow-going, tumblrkids. i haven’t been able to get in to see my gender therapist as often as i’d like, simply because she’s so booked up. i’m going on the 25th, though. and i’m expecting that it’ll only be another couple of visits before she says i’m ready to begin hormones.
but i’m pretty nervous. hormones will be starting soon, which is a good thing, because being in boy mode all the time is just about killing me now. i need to be able to be in girl mode a lot more often, and the hormones will help with that, obviously.
but at the same time as all this, i’m going to be moving to a new city and starting a new job. and suddenly i’ll be all alone. i have amazing friends where i am, and i’m going to lose that support. i’m sure i’ll meet new people and such, but i’m just really apprehensive about everything. i’m worried about how i’ll explain my identity to new people. i know i shouldn’t have to worry about that, and i’m not any less proud of myself, and i still believe in being who i’m supposed to be. but it’s just that i’ll be meeting all these new people who haven’t been around me as i’ve been going through what i’ve been going through. part of the reason my transition has been so easy for me so far is because i’ve had such a good community of friends around me. and i’m terrified of ending up without anyone.
in some regards, it seems great to start fresh with everything: new city, new job, evolving body and identity.
but i’m just really, really scared that i’m going to be alone. and i don’t do well when i’m lonely all the time.